Microsoft’s tips for buying a flash-based MP3 player:

“Make sure you’re getting all the goodies…”

Because you really want that ugly round red thing. You have no sense of style, what do you care how it functions! Pack on the functions, bloat up, this is America!

“You’ll want a display. When you have hundreds of songs on your player, you really need an easy way to select your music by artist, album, or genre. This is critical if you want to find that one song or artist you really want to hear.”

Again, you have no idea how you want to listen to music – We’ll tell ya. And get that display, cuz we offer it on our big red ugly thing!

“Let a professional make your next playlist. “

We at Microsoft don’t think you’re smart enough to make your own playlist, nor figure out smart playlists. Just buy a radio and screw the whole personal music revolution! What do we care, we’re just trying to sell you Windows.

“Don’t get locked into one online store. Have you ever been on the hunt for a particular song?”

We don’t want to remind you that you can buy CDs and rip them into your iPod quite easily. We also don’t want to mention that if the other stores were any different than iTunes Music Store, they’d sell unencrypted MP3s. But they don’t. They lock you into Windows Digital Rights Management. Oh there we go again, selling Windows. Sorry!