I often wax poetic about my love life, the women that have been in my life, my inability to be very intimate, but at the same time be very passionate.
My close friends tell me I am very intimate, very handsome, thing too much, all that stuff but I think, for me, until I look inside and believe it myself, I won’t find that true connection.
I think taking care of oneself, both physically, emotionally is a strong sign of the place that person is in. Eating for comfort, staying up too late playing games, getting behind in work are all signs that my soul is still searching and is overly anxious.
I’ve done the therapy route and it helped somethings, like my anxiety at some level (I actually had fingernails before Matt and Roslynn’s wedding) but then I stopped the meds and went back to picking them.
So now I am trying to be more responsible to myself. No, I am not saying I can “just do it,” but I am going to see how much I can do if I really care about myself and work hard at it.
That means drinking my water daily, doing my stretches, practicing my TKD even though I am missing lessons, making healthy decisions.
Eating is the hardest one – I am so damn addicted to convenience food. I don’t want to cook a healthy meal every day and do the shopping. Sigh. I’ve tried 100 times to replace this with that and I always end up in the same boat.
However, this 60lbs must go before I hit 40. I’m not sure how I am going to accomplish it, but I think remaining aware of my actions and why I am doing things is a good place to start.
When Sophie ships, a month after my 40th birthday next year, I plan to be in a much better space and we’ll see what I am posting on at that time. 🙂